The Silenced are Loudest

“Wished on a million stars, prayed till my knees were red, and I’d ache, lying awake, in my bed.”
     Countless nights, I stayed awake, restless to no end. Whether it was from bruises that throbbed, or a mind full of fear, I actually lost many nights of sleep as a child. I was always wishing, hoping. I remember vividly praying that a carriage would pull up in my driveway with a king the size of a tree, who inevitably would mention the fact that I was his long, lost daughter and I had to go with him right then and there. I hung on to that notion for a very long time. However, that carriage never came. 

     Forrest Gump is the source of the quote in the above picture; an all time classic. Not only is it articulate and all together amazing, I related to it in more ways than one. The still above is the part that got to me my entire childhood. (Frankly, it still does give my eyes some strong allergies.) Jenny sprints into the giant cornfield, dragging Forrest by the hand. She falls to her knees and begs him to pray with her, “Dear God, please make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here.” The camera pans out as you still hear little Jenny whispering the prayer. I kid you not, to this day, I still get chillbumps and my eyes water every time, without a doubt. Jenny was me. 

     Of course, my lame idea that a human of royalty was coming for me wasn’t at all as chillbump-worthy as Jenny’s bird analogy. Still, we had the same concept. 

     We wanted to be gone from our situation. Free, as a bird. (or a princess, for me? How do you even have a long-lost daughter, 6 year old Taylore?)  I’ve had a fascination with birds since. How they freely drifted about in the sky, no rules, no fathers. Most importantly, they were so loud. They cooed, and croaked. They sang a song filled with grace and freedom that only a bird would understand. 

     I tried for years to find that song inside of me. I even tried to sing like a bird, and it went horridly, let me tell ya. I wanted their power. I longed for their dignity and strength; their prestigious voice. 

     And you know what?

     I’ve finally found it.

     I may never sit atop of a branch and harmonize with my friends or anything like that, but I’m loud. I am so loud. Lord, I scream like the lion has lost its voice. I. Am. Loud! I’ve broken through the cage of steel and am screaming at the top of my lungs. Mighty and proud, I am. 

     Voiceless often become loud when they realize the potential that lies in their hands. They hold the key to everything. I am capable of anything. We could very well use our voices for spitting curses and rough phrases at others, but instead, I am using my voice to better others. 

     I have used my voice in my previous blog, You Will Not Win. The feedback I received was absolutely incredible. I never knew my voice could do something like that. And now, I’m doing it again. Even louder and prouder.

Don’t Let Them Win

     I have started a fundraiser (the link above) to advocate for those in the situations of child abuse. 50 people can buy these shirts within the next 2 weeks to raise money. If the goal of 50 is not met, no money will be raised and no children will be helped. We can’t let our abusers win. 

     I’m loud. I am so loud, I’m sure even the Sun could listen. Hear my presence. Share my story. I am so very loud!

     Can you hear me?

Until next time,

Tay❀